Gilda Zelin: Caught Between Two Worlds

Gilda Zelin was a long-time member of the Wednesday morning writing practice group. She joined the group shortly after the death of her husband, Joel, and wrote her way through her grief. She published the resulting book, A Widow's Journey: A Story of Love, Loss, and Letting Go, in 2008.

Gilda wrote this piece in response to the prompt, "Tell me about a time you were in the middle of something--in the middle of sex, in the middle of the night, in midlife, in the middle of a divorce, in the middle of childbirth."

Caught Between Two Worlds

Way back in the turbulent 1960's-70's, I found myself caught between two cultures. Do I listen to my mother's advice about bringing up my children, go with my gut feelings about motherhood or tend to the yearnings of my children.

My mother, while a thoroughly modern woman in many ways, had never been able to free herself from the confined upbringing of her youth. Families must stay together. Children should live with their parents until they were married. If they wanted to go to college, definitely never out of town. Once you send your children away, you lose them. These were her beliefs. I, for one, was not allowed to go to camp, not allowed to sleep over at a friend's home, not allowed to go to an out of town college.

My children were starting to think about colleges. The heated conversations about keeping them home and their desire to break away were becoming more frequent. I was caught in the middle.

My first child, a son, won out and went to a school in Ohio, met a woman, married, raised a family and has lived there for thirty-five years.

My second child, a daughter, caused even more anxiety on my part, as I listened to my mother's views on safety. Her determination that I keep my daughter near me caused many family arguments at a usually stable, contented dinner table. My husband and I couldn't resist her pleas. We released her from the nest and she flew. Eventually, she landed in California, married and raised a family.

By the time my third child was ready, I did not have the strength to fight, even though I wanted him to stay nearby. He left, met a woman, married and raised his family in Maryland, and later in North Carolina.

Was my mother's advice right? Should I have heeded her old world advice? I never had the chance to fly. Would I have been a different person if I had?

Yet sometimes I think of my family now spread out all over the United States, my grandchildren experiencing different cultures, different ideas, far away from the center of their childhood.

My moths is long gone now, but I still think of her and admire her tenacity as she tried to instill in me the old traditions. Modern living has become so complex. We have come very far from the simplicity of the telephone hanging on the wall. I look at myself now and know that while I was in the middle, my life was in turmoil, not knowing what was right or wrong. I did the right thing. Yet I have to smile when I think of the advice I am now giving to my children, who are now in the middle, trying to keep up with their children.

My life has come full circle, as will my children's. That is the nature of mankind, passed from generation to generation.

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